


Revenge

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Stealth Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 14:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1782154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens in Stuttgart stays in Stuttgart. At least Loki hopes no one ever tells this story. It's embarrassing.</p><p> </p><p>To avoid spoilering the story, I can't give details, but more than one media fandom influenced this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"What?" Loki said, staring over the kneeling Stuttgartians... Stuttgartners... Germans... at a badly groomed individual, with a unique hairstyle. "I don't recall killing any old men." He glared at a old man who was rising to his feet, stubborn expression fixed on his wrinkly old face. "But I could rectify that omission." He raised his staff and pointed it at the old man.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die," the scruffy guy said louder, making his way through the crowd with ease, his eyes fixed on Loki.

"What are you, an idiot? That won't save you, you know." Loki turned his staff towards the persistent nuisance, ignoring the old man for the moment.

"Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!" the scruffy guy shouted, while grinning like a maniac. He was running towards Loki now, the crowd parting for him like water running around a rock. Although the water was still and the rock was moving. You get the idea.

"Actually, I think I'll be improving the breed," Loki mused as he fired off a blast. Hairy guy flew backwards, smoking. "Now, as I was saying." Loki returned his attention to the old man who was standing his ground.

 **"Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"** The man was back on his feet. His clothes were charred, but he was showing his teeth in a bright grin.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? STOP SAYING THAT!" Loki shrieked, and split into half a dozen mirages at the same time he teleported himself behind the man.

 **"HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! PREPARE TO DIE!"** The man whirled, knocked Loki's staff to the ground and slashed Loki across the face on both sides. "Offer me money."

"Yes!" Loki said, totally bewildered, and upset that his illusion had failed. Also, his face hurt.

"Power, too, promise me that."

"I WILL RULE!" Loki flinched when shining metal blades appeared before his eyes. "But, you know, Midgard is large, you could have a continent or two."

Scruffy's grin widened. "Offer me anything I ask for." The blades were very long, very sharp, and inches away from Loki's eyes.

"Anything you want!" Maybe Loki could get the swordsman off guard and take over his mind. "You have HEART!"

"I WANT MY GODDAMN BEER, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" 

The swordsman held onto Loki's tunic with one hand and raised a fistful of blades.

A man in red, white and blue landed on the pavement. "JAMES! I thought you were dead!"

"Huh?" Scruffy paused, blades just touching Loki's belly. They were sharp, very sharp. Loki tried not to breathe. "Who are you?"

"Don't you remember me? I'm Steve! Steve Rogers! Captain America. We fought the ..." Steve glanced at the crowd. "We fought with the Allies."

"I don't remember." Shaggy scratched at his head. "I think someone messed with my mind. I was having a nice, cold beer when this guy came and it got knocked over! HE OWES ME A BEER!"

Rock music blasted, and Iron Man landed with a CLANG on the paving stones. "Am I late? Did I miss the party?" His helmet opened. "Aww, I did. How about we go for some drinks? I know a great place in Strassburg."

Shaggy looked at Iron Man with interest. "They got beer?"

"Sure! My treat!"

"Great. Here, Steve." The man shoved Loki at Steve. "See you later." He walked over to Iron Man, and stepped onto his boot. Iron Man took off with the man clinging to him.

Steve stared after them for a second, and then he grabbed up Loki's staff with one hand, and took Loki by the scruff of the neck with the other. "I'm taking you in."

"Yes, of course," Loki said as his plans belatedly fell back in place. "Just... could you tell me who WAS that man? A friend of yours?"

"Uh huh." The quinjet had landed and Steve dragged Loki up the steps. He paused to smile at the crowd. "Sorry for all this, folks. Emergency services should be here soon." 

"Who was he?" Loki's curiosity hurt worse than the scratches on his face. "He's obviously quite mad."

Steve grunted as he tied Loki into a seat. "I guess you'd know." He shrugged. 

From the cockpit, Natasha called back, "I recognized him. Fury will want to recruit him for the Initiative."

"He better stock up on beer," Steve said. "James has a hollow leg."

"Does he?" Loki asked with interest. "I noticed the metal arm."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Wolverine's kinda hard to miss, isn't he?"

**Author's Note:**

> Wolverine's real name is James Howlett... I can't remember at what point he became amnesiac, but for the sake of this fic, I'm assuming it was after WWII.
> 
> And I strongly suspect everyone knew Inigo Montoya and his catchphrase was from 'The Princess Bride'. But in case you didn't, you do now.


End file.
